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You are here: Home | Personnel | Dorothy Neil | Testimony 01/02/2009

The last few years have been very difficult ones for me, both on a health front and on a spiritual level. So much so that over the last 4 years or so, I’ve not been able to play in the band or attend the Army.  

Up until about 6 years ago, I’d rarely been unwell and on the odd occasion that I was unwell, it was normally nothing more serious than a cold or sore throat. This has made my illness in the last while more difficult for me to deal with as I’ve always been a very active person, both in the Army and my main hobby, playing tennis.

For the first three and a half years of my illness, I was a mystery to the medics as they were unable to find out why I was experiencing such severe pain. That in itself was distressing as I felt so alone as it felt everyone thought there was nothing much wrong with me. Meanwhile I knew I was getting progressively worse and for what seemed an eternity, there seemed to be no progress by the doctors in identifying the cause of my illness. 

When the doctors made the breakthrough and finally identified my illness, it was found to be very serious, which was in fact a big relief to me – not of course that it was serious, but that at least I now knew what I was dealing with. 

Two operations and countless hospital stays/visits later and as far as my health is concerned, I’m much better, though still not 100%. Life’s been difficult. I’ve found it very emotional at times because of all the uncertainty associated with the illness, particularly when at times it’s felt as though there was never going to be an end to the pain. I’ve often felt very alone as I find it very difficult to talk about my feelings/emotions and so have tried to keep the extent of my pain and emotional upset, to myself, rather than letting other know exactly how I was feeling. Despite this, I know many folk have been concerned about me and have been praying for me, and I thank them for their prayers/support/concern during this time.

During this whole process, I would not say that I ever really stopped believing God was with me, but I would say that I found it increasingly hard to pray as whenever I tried I just got upset and found I had no words to say. I also found myself turning less and less to God’s Word as I found I just got upset then too. Life was tough both physically and emotionally and I was struggling to cope with it. 

Despite how I was feeling, God of course hadn’t deserted me, not that deep down I had ever really thought he had. God found a way to talk to me, and unsurprisingly it was though music. Music has always been a big part of my life and has often been a source of great comfort and strength to me, so I shouldn’t have been surprised that this was how God spoke to me and reminded me that He was still by my side even though I hadn’t talked to Him in a while. 

If ever there’s a test of our faith, if ever there’s a test of the motives of our worship, it’s when a storm rolls into our lives, and that’s exactly how it’s been for me. There have been many pieces of music that have been of help to me during these last few years, but in the last year when I’ve suffered a few setbacks, there has been one song that has become very special to me. It’s a song by Casting Crowns entitled “Praise You In This Storm”. Please listen to this song using the player below - I hope you not only enjoy the music, but find blessing and comfort in the words:-

Praise You In This Storm (words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms)

I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with You"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

CHORUS
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with You"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

CHORUS

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
(repeat)

CHORUS
Though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

On the whole, life’s much better now, though I’m not feeling 100%, but I have been able to get back to doing some of the activities I did before my illness. Hopefully in the coming months I’ll continue to improve, though whatever lies ahead I God will be by my side to strength me and help me through.

I wanted to share this testimony with you as I wanted to remind all of you who may be facing difficulties in your life, that even though you may struggle to see where God fits in, or even turn your back on Him, He will never leave your side. God will continue to be there for you and if you listen, you’ll hear Him. He spoke to me through music, but He’ll use whatever method/source he thinks will work best with you. He can and will help you no matter what your situation.

Sometimes God calms our storms. Sometimes He chooses to ride them with us.
Romans 8:28 / 2 Corinthians. 4:16-18
Psalm 42:5 / Psalm 121:1-2
Job 1:20-21 / Daniel 3:16-18

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